off the wagon

Folks, it’s been a little bit since I blogged.

Iv’e been busy, but that’s not the only reason.  I haven’t blogged because…I fell. off. the. wagon.

On June 20th of this year; my best friend, love, and soulmate got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.  It was quite simply, a fantastic day.

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The only problem, what follows happy events?

Celebrations with alcohol and food.  A food addicts worst nightmare.

That weekend I told myself things like, “I deserve this celebratory time”, “It’s just one weekend”, and “I’ll get back to my routine on Monday“.  Well, as you can assume, once I tasted pizza, wine, french fries and ice cream…I couldn’t stop.

I spent the first several months of my weight loss journey doing a diet and exercise method of weight loss, but leading up to June 20th, I had been doing an extremely strict diet to get over a plateau that I had reached.  The diet was so strict that my working out was limited due to the reduced calorie and carbohydrate intake.  I felt like my body was out of whack, it was a weird feeling because I had spent months working out almost every day and then I changed it up completely and almost took working out, out of the equation.

Honestly, I feel like changing up my routine that had worked for the first 40+lbs of weight loss was the worst decision that I made.  I was so focused on hitting a weight loss goal that I wanted to do anything to get there as fast as possible.  But, in the end, getting out of my work out routine was the first mistake, because when I faltered on my diet, I didn’t have a workout to fall back on to counteract the food intake.

The past 3 months have been filled with no routine, hardly any workouts, and tons of bad food.  Iv’e gained weight back, more than I really care to know.  I can give excuses all day long for what, why and how….but…..in the end, everything was my decision and my choices.  my bad choices.

My self image that I had 3 months ago, is gone.  My goals that I set almost a year ago will not be reached.  My “skinny” clothes don’t fit like they used to, if they even fit at all.

BUT

Life.  Goes.  On.

I need to pick myself up, get back on the wagon and continue.

Food addiction is no joke my friends.  I thought I had a grasp on the temptations, pitfalls and secretive aspect of it; but, I let my guard down and discovered the hard way that I will probably always suffer from this, and I obviously haven’t overcome as much as I thought I did.  If I have learned one thing through this, it is, admitting that you have a problem is the first step.  As hard as it it to share this with all of you (and those that are close to me, this isn’t a shock, I am sure, whether or not you have said anything, you know I have been struggling and been gaining weight).  But, sharing and being honest makes the addiction not have control, I have control and I am taking it back.

I appreciate the support, patience and prayers.

Today, I am back on the wagon.

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(today – 9/17/2015)

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3 thoughts on “off the wagon

  1. Emily, you are likely right in your acknowledgement of food addiction. I am with you. I understand because it is my story too. BUT you have turned the bus around before you got so far down the road (as I did) that it would have become, or felt like, an impossibility to ever make it right again.

    You inspire me with your determination. You are strong and I know you can make a new and fresh beginning. You can see where you went wrong which is sometimes hard to pinpoint or fess up to. Please look at your beginning photos with this last one. You are not so far off course as it may feel. You look amazing!!! Please look and see for yourself. That shine of victory is still alight in your eyes. Look, you’ll see. Love you and am holding you close. Aunt Sue

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  2. Emily,
    After years of watching my weight I’ve learned a few things about on and off the band wagon. Mostly, from weight watchers. I’m not in a formal program now, but I know that when there is a lot of food around I want to eat, I don’t deprive myself. But I do try to do a few things every day, such as always drinking enough water, at least 64 ounces everyday. I also am aware of how many fruits and vegetable servings I’ve eaten. So if I choose to eat pie or a candy bar, I still drink my water and try to eat 5 fruits and vegetables everyday, and then I think it’s not so bad. And try to do some activity everyday, like a short walk.. This all helps promote moderation which I think is the key to lifelong weight control. Cheers

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