As you can imagine, at 227lbs, there were parts (or all) of my body that jiggled, bounced, shook, ect when I worked out.
It made me very self-conscious and honestly, made me not want to workout. I had convinced myself that everyone. was. looking. at. me.
I tried to incorporate working out into my weight loss plan from the beginning of my journey because I knew that it would help me lose the weight faster, and make me stronger. Physically, I could handle the workouts, but mentally, it was tough.
I had a membership at our local Planet Fitness. The gym with no gymtimidation, no lunks, no judgement….except from myself. I only used equipment that I knew how to use and very rarely branched out of anything by cardio exercise.
Here is a typical conversations that I would have with myself on the treadmill / elliptical / arc / ect:
“damnit, my shirt is sliding up from covering my butt”
“ugh, my boobs are bouncing“
“my butt hurts because it is jiggling up and down so much”
“that fit girl over there keeps looking at me”
“I could never do that because I am too fat“
“These 2 sports bras that I am wearing so my boobs stay put are not allowing me to breathe“
If you have been reading my other blog posts, you will know by now that the negative thoughts in my head have deterred and hindered me from being positive about my progress. The negative thoughts in my head discouraged me from going to the gym because I honestly thought that everyone was making fun of me in their heads.
“Oh, look at the fat girl“
“She has a really red face, is she going to pass out?”
“Her butt is huge“
“Her boobs need to be tied down“
When I stopped going to the gym, I told myself that I would workout outside, but then I let myself believe that everyone driving down the road, passing me, was making fun of me too. Then, I told myself that I would workout to DVD’s in my apartment, but, once again, the negative thoughts came back. This time I thought that the young guy that lives downstairs would think that there was an elephant upstairs or that he would be scared I would come through the ceiling. NO. JOKE. I was horrible to myself.
I knew that I needed to workout, but, excuses were easier than actually doing the work. The negative thoughts that I had been hiding behind, were just that, excuses.
I discovered that Old Navy has some compression workout pants that really suck the fat in and they didn’t allow my booty to jiggle so much. I found some sports bras that allowed me to breathe, but still held the girls in place.
I. had. no. more. excuses.
When I let the excuses go, I also let the hold that the negative thoughts had over me, go. Once I stopped telling myself lies and letting myself believe that everyone was making fun of me, the weight left too.
I started going back to the gym and simply not caring what others were thinking, because, I was there and I was doing it.
Everyone needs to start somewhere.